amazing lyrics...could be me

Not a big fan of the song, but when the lyrics are in front of me, they're powerful.


Something More by Ginny Owens




I've spent half my lifetime watching time go by
And wondering where it went
When I try to fall asleep at night
I lay there feeling spent

Contemplating what the next day's gonna hold for me
Tossin' turnin', my mind is churnin'
Thought won't let me be

Every morning meets me with a list of all I have to do
Every evening greets me with the knowledge that I'm never through
Every taste of success makes me vow to never fail
Feels like I just chase my tail

There's gotta be something more than running circles for a living
Gotta be something better than just trying to survive
Gotta be some important puzzle piece that I am missing
Gotta be something more to life.

If every picture tells a story, Mine must be a mystery
'Cause I lose sight of who I am and who I am
And who I'm supposed to be
Looking back on what I've built
And all that I've achieved
Only leads me to believe


Tired of these hopeless places
Bored with my earthly things
So I must fill my empty spaces
With the love that heaven brings

Challenge: Be A Fully Alive Woman

This is just what I needed to read today. It was in a post in the FamilyLife MomBlog by author Barbara Rainey at the end of December.  Here's what caught my attention most keenly - "A believer from another century, Iraneus, said, 'The glory of God is a human being fully alive.' Seek to be a fully alive woman this year."

What might fully alive look like for me?  Here goes another list!  I must choose a life that is/has/includes all these things, but it would be overwhelming to try and do them all.  For now, I am just going to brainstorm here for a bit:

* experience more firsts with my girls
* deliberately choose yes
* more no
* intentional time with my family
* less screen time
* more sleep
* see food as nourishment, not therapy
* choose more foods that are God made, less man made (processed)
* take time to admire the clouds during the day
* and the stars and moon at night
* expect less
* maybe a chance to dive
* maybe a trip to the Aquarium
* a night spent under the stars
* walking in the rain
* sing with my kids more and not care what it sounds like
* be more thankful
* give more
* ask for less
* cherish time spent with friends
* practice obedience, honor, respect, thankfulness, patience
* celebrate obedience, honor, respect, thankfulness, patience
* give more hugs
* share more I love yous
* enjoy more strawberries!
At the end of the post, she ends with this fantastic challenge, "They will demand some sacrifice in time, expense, and energy, but nothing worth accomplishing is ever free. Don't let others dictate all of your hours for you. Don't be passive or unteachable or unbelieving."

This is just what the people pleaser in me needed to read in order to be released of some imaginary burdens.  LOVE IT! My God is so good in the way He provides at just the right time and in just the right way.

Satisfaction - Where Do You Get It?

My lack of it is just about all the proof I need that there is a heaven.

One day, when I am there with God, I will finally be satisfied. Fully. Totally. Completely. Thoroughly. Forever. It will be an amazing unending celebration.

To my understanding, there is not a truly satisfied person on all the earth. If I am wrong, please send a shout out to me right away and let me know how you got there.

In the meantime, I often find myself deeply unsatisfied. Two things enlightened me today with a moment of self discovery: Reading a friend’s post about To Do lists and then later a brief conversation with a friend about our house.

I know that I AM a list maker. I love lists because I feel more organized. I love to check things off those lists. I love knowing the lists are there so that I don’t have to constantly try and remember everything. I write it down and forget about it until the list reminds me! When something is accomplished and I get to check something off a list, right in that moment, I get a fleeting taste of satisfaction.

Job - Done! Thing - Attained! Work - Finished! Dream - Actualized! Chore - Completed! Mission - Accomplished!

And what do we do? We celebrate! We party! We praise!

“Yay, good job” “Nice work” “Looks great” “Thanks for doing that” “You worked hard to make that happen”, “Way to persevere through that” and so much more ways we all pat each other on the back. Those moments of verbal praise feel good to when they happen. Remember Graduation parties and gifts – always fun and welcomed right?! Wedding receptions are another great celebration of a major accomplishment. Retirement parties. Anniversary milestones. All those things are attempts to grasp the ephemeral moment of satisfied life.

I love my husband, but not in a newlywed gooey way! I’m glad I have a HS degree, but I don’t drive around with “Class of ‘92” on my windows still! I love being a mom, but it sure feels different now from when I floated on cloud nine when I first knew I was pregnant! At some point after the party and celebration and high, we’re off to the next thing right? Sure we may live in the glory of the moment for a while, even a few years, but the feelings do fade.

All I’m trying to say with all this nonsense is that I struggle with satisfaction in a weird sort of way. I’d love to know how my friends out there hurdle this obstacle. I need a plan to tackle it, experiencing it just a little more while I wait for heaven.

What a LONG day...

MUST FIND MORE HOURS!  Where do they go?

I have way too much to do and not enough time to accomplish it all.  I thrive with to do lists, but at this point, they are often paralyzing.  In the end, I hope I can say I've done what matters most:  love God and people.  My family comes first and so it's good that I enjoy the precious moments I do get with them.

What was ignored:
* email inbox
* facebook "live feed" with 1000s of new updates
* piles of bills and paperwork to put away
* plants need to be watered
* trash needs to be emptied
* laundry to fold
* Christmas boxes to put away

none of which got done because I did the following instead:

* get ready for work
* send 2 year old back to bed, she's up too early!
* listen to her play in her bed while I continue to get ready
* go rescue crying baby and feed her
* help 2 year old go potty, get dressed, and fed
* somehow (Lindy) get myself read for work and out the door at 7:48
* work from 8-6 (earthquake included) thanks to my angel MIL
* feed baby again
* feed 2 year old
* have a few minutes of play time
* do bedime routine with 2 year old and finally say goodnight
* feed baby again and put her down for the night too
* breath...enjoy the quiet for a moment

I am so thankful for the sweet hugs and kisses and smiles I get from my girls - makes it all worth it somehow.  Now, I must rest.  My eyes, my back, my mind are all spent.

I can't even begin to go into all the to dos waiting for me at work.  TOO MUCH!  It will just have to wait for another day.  Weariness has fully set in.  I think I'm delirious!

(Maybe I'll just go water the plants now...and hope they survive being ignored for so long!)