today

everyday it seems: i get up, get everyone going/ready, go to work, come home, cook, dinner, bath, laundry, go to bed exhausted just to get up and do it all over again.  sometimes days blur together and then all of the sudden, it's been weeks of blur and i my mind begins to wonder,

"who's really raising my kids?"

"when was the last time my husband and I had time to connect about anything excluding finances, kids, schedule, work?"

"how did monday get here so fast?"

"when was the last time i had some quiet time?"

"am i a bad wife/mom/sister/daughter?"

"when did i last have some fun girl time?"

"am i failing...at everything i'm trying to do (follow god, marriage, mom, friend, daughter, sister)?"

then, i get a random hug from my daughter, she kisses my cheek, and says "i love you mommy".  that voice in my wondering mind is scattered to the wind, replaced with wonder of it all.

the house is a disaster.
i can't find my desk for all the mail & bills piled high.
i don't have meals planned for the week.
i can't even tell you what's on the grocery list - where is it?
most of the laundry is done.
most of the dishes are done.
the floors are only sticky a little.
bathroom is kinda clean.
but, it's quiet and peaceful now.
the kids are asleep.
i am thankful.
another day survived.
a full day.  full of
...snuggles.
...pajamas.
...waffles.
...pizza.
...bouncing.
...picking flowers (weeds?).
...lots of running & toddling.
there were tears from tripping
...learning.
...jealousy.
...discipline.
...hearing no.
lots of tickles
...smiles & giggles.
...kisses.
...hugs.
...love.
it's all worth it.
mom - best job in the world!

hope everyone will forgive me when i slack at the rest.

tell me something good

i am imperfect. i make mistakes all the time. i get angry. i want my way. i usually think i'm right. my weaknesses and sinfulness cannot be hidden for long if you know me i probably offend without knowing, hurt without wanting, stomp all over without meaning...but i long to know that sometimes, someplace, to someone or someones i did something right, meaningful, lasting, worth this life. encouragement is a good thing!

Here's an article that goes along with these thoughts...we all need encouragement!!

vanity and unwanted hair

How in the world do I explain why I'm tweezing my eyebrows to my 3 year old while she is going to the bathroom?!

"Why momma?  Why you do that?" she asks.

So many answers pop in and out of my mind, but nothing sounds good, right, honest or what I want her to hear. 

Answers like:

Well, I have these extra hairs that keep growing out that I don't want...If I don't get them, I'll have a bushy uni-brow...It drives me crazy when I see those little buggers sprouting out in the wrong place...For whatever reason, God gave me some extra ones...Oh I'm just multi-tasking, just passing the time...Because my best friend in middle school showed me how and said I needed to...Maybe because I'm just vain and self-conscious and always imagining people staring at them wondering why I don't take care of that mess...It's something to do while I'm waiting for you on the potty...You know, the beautifully made up models with professionally shaped & groomed brows create expectations in my head that I can't ever meet, but somehow I still want to strive for them.

Oh boy, I just want this conversation to go away!!  So I say, "Don't forget to flush" and off we go.

But I am reminded of what really matters, because of her question.  Get over it I tell myself.  And at least for the moment, I will.

BTW - I did a google image search to get a photo of a pair of tweezers.  So scary to see all those different types of pluckers out there.  It's made me even more aware of this crazy insane culture we live in that detests unwanted and supposedly unnecessary hair - we're so vain!!

god sighting

the day welcomed me with this.  it's timeliness speaks to the loving touch of god's faithfulness in my life:

This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control.  In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete.  Take time to bask in the Light of My Love.  As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My care.

You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence.  The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes: I am the same yesterday, today, and forever. As you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand.  Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you.

p. 87 (March 24 devotion)

sweet times

Maddy running circles around the empty exersaucer in the middle of the living room.  Nalani is on my lap on the love seat and we're watching the runner do her laps.  Each time Maddy passes us, she stops for a kiss from Mom and Nalani squeals with delight.

Loved every moment!

She did it over and over and over and over and over and over....

do you remember the times?

so scary the photos that folks are finding of me and posting on facebook these days!  i think i'm going to have to scan a bunch of old pics myself and get back at them.  it'll be fun.  high school, junior high, even grade school.  fun times!  just to add to the mix, i'll put up some of my own bad hair memories.  haha.

Delight

I love the moments of sheer delight that are often written on my daughters face and in her whole body like she's wearing it.

Running across a huge grass soccer field...

Jumping: from a step, from her chair, from the car, from the couch, from her bed, anything!

At the park, endlessly swinging, saying "higher higher mommy" with the biggest grin...

Being tossed up in the air by mommy, then says "again again!"...

Somersaults, again and again and again...

Being "found" after hiding under the covers in her bed for the zillionth time...

Seeing Lindy walk through the door and full octane sprints to greet her...

Becoming "burrito maddy" in a towel after bathtime so we can "eat" her...

Making huge long animal "parades" with all her stuffed animal friends and then joins the line with pride!...

Prayer time:  "Who do you want to prayer for?"  And always, first thing, like it's all one word and talking really fast like her daddy does, she says, "lindseyryanchicomotley."  She loves her auntie Lindsey!  She gets first prayer priority every night without fail!!

Walking through the house with her special blanket over head and hugging us while we say something like "ooh where did maddy go? and why is this pink blanket hugging my leg?!"...meanwhile, giggles erupt from the blanket...

What do you say when...

your naked two year old examines herself and says "what's this mommy?" while pointing to her own bare chest.

That's random.  Where did that question come from?!

"That's your nipple, Maddy."

"Oh." (pause to investigate again)  Then, "One....two.  Two mommy!"

"You're right.  You have two."

At least she didn't ask me what they're for.  I'm not ready for that.  Although since she's watched me nurse her baby sister for 5 months now, I'm sure she knows, so she didn't have to ask.  She probably just needed help remembering the right word!  Regardless, these random conversations always catch me off guard!

I love watching her grow and develop, but so often I just want to freeze time!

Why do parents say the things they do?!

...or give looks the way they do?

I'm sure I've been guilty of this a hundred times, so forgive my rant.  Maybe it's a pet peeve  Maybe it's just an ongoing observation?

Why are we so judgmental of other parenting styles/decisions/choices/you know what I mean?  Co-sleep or crib.  Breast feed or formula.  Pacifier or finger.  Schedule or no.  Home school or private school or public school.  Spank or time out or give breaks.  Cloth or disposable.  Stay at home or working mom.  SUV or minivan.  Epidural or "natural".   I know I have my opinions and I know what's worked best for us so far.  But, we are still new to parenting.  It's often overwhelming!

There are SO many decisions we have to make in our heavily blessed choice saturated nation.  Contrast this to so much of the rest of the world where children are lucky to make it to adulthood, have a place to call home, eat enough food to thrive, and the time to go to school.

I am just amazed.  It is my desire to encourage parents to figure out what's best for their child and their family at any particular time.  Each child is a unique gift from God born to a unique set of parents and a unique family dynamic.  As we all know, they don't come with instruction manuals!  So, I implore mankind (or Bay Area parentkind I suppose), please stop trying to force your "right" way of parenting on everyone else!  Please stop the subtle disapproving looks when someone is doing something a little different than you.  Come on, at the park, you've seen it right? Maybe even done it?  Why can't we (me too) consider that this mom or that dad might actually have a good reason for whatever they're doing!

In fact, I've found the more time I spend listening and considering each perspective, each story, each view point, the more I realize that often right and wrong is so elusive when it comes to parenting.  Most parents sincerely want whats best and they're trying to survive some very difficult years.  If we need help or we feel out of control, hopefully we get wise Biblical counsel.  May we seek God's wisdom and may His Spirit lead us.  And let's stop judging what others are doing!

God willing, our children will all grow up one day.  Whether or not they had boob or bottle, eventually they start eating food.  Whether or not they slept in our bed or their own, eventually they grow up and leave the house.  And hopefully, no matter what kind of school they go to, they seek to pursue God always and glorify Him with all they do.

Maximizing Time

Life is sure different for me now with two kids.  I used to live a more orderly, efficient, time managed life.  These days, I feel like it's usually just living in moments of reactive chaos!  Most plans are thwarted, delayed, or altered in some way!

Anyway I keep thinking that there are some tangible things I have learned as I adapt that may be useful to share or simply remind myself of!

Here are a few time wasters in my life that a) I would love to get rid of, b) I actively try to get rid of, c) I don't do anymore, or d) I try not to do anymore!

* junk mail
* commercials
* email spam
* that 45 seconds you have to wait to leave a voice message if no one answers
* folding underwear and socks
* organize my clothes closet
* folding towels "the right way"
* dusting (it just keeps coming back!)
* making my daughter's bed (she just climbs in all day and plays in it anyway)


And here are some things that I have started doing in order to stay sane:
* always put away 3-4 things before I go to bed (toys, mail, dishes, stuff)
* get more silverware so we don't have to wash dishes as often
* ignore the dirty dishes sometimes
* can't stay awake for a movie, go to sleep!  sorry dear!
* junk mail first thing goes to recycle box
* take responsibilities off my plate, lower my expectations
* thank god for the toys i trip over, we are blessed
* praise god for the messes, life granted us another day to live
* being satisfied the clothes are clean even if they're not put away or hung up
* not freaking out when my house is a disaster
* not freaking out when I can't find something
* being okay with not knowing everything, everywhere, all the time


It's late.  Time to go to bed instead of brainstorming such random thoughts!

What do you miss?

I miss my family.  More specifically, I miss my parents and my brothers.  Sometimes, many days go by and I don't talk to any of them and I get sad.  And sometimes I find myself jealous of those families who all live in the same area and hang out together a lot...and actually enjoy it!  I know some folks don't really enjoy their families or they're really unhealthy and that's such a bummer.

Today's one of those days.  So much rain.  Lots of mess in our basement.  It flooded while the power was out.  Tragedy in Haiti - so many people losing loved ones, even entire families.  Life is so fleeting, so precious, so easily wasted.  Lord, help us make the best use of the time we have here.

Husband's at class.  Spent a lot of time with just my girls today.  What a crazy day.  We miss him when he's not here!

I'm just missing my family.  I'd love my mom to be nearer and get more time with my girls.  I'd love them to know their uncles better.  I wish the time we got to spend together wasn't always to rushed and forced because of birthdays or holidays, more time to just be together and hang out!

I guess I'm weird that way.  C'est la vie, n'est-ce pas?!  We don't always get what we want.

Enjoying a Moment

My daughter got up too early this morning.  When she does that I tell her to go back to bed and I will come get her when it's time to get up.  So far, this works still!

When I went in, I had the sweetest 5 minutes with her.  She just wanted to snuggle in her bed and be together.  She gave me hugs and kisses and let me hold her.  I loved it!  She's not much of a cuddle bug, so whenever these opportunities arise, I hope to be there to take advantage.

I love my girls!  I am so thankful to have all that I have been blessed with.  Each moment I cherish these days so much more than ever.

I continually pray for the people of Haiti.  My heart aches and I have no words for what I feel.

Challenge: Be A Fully Alive Woman

This is just what I needed to read today. It was in a post in the FamilyLife MomBlog by author Barbara Rainey at the end of December.  Here's what caught my attention most keenly - "A believer from another century, Iraneus, said, 'The glory of God is a human being fully alive.' Seek to be a fully alive woman this year."

What might fully alive look like for me?  Here goes another list!  I must choose a life that is/has/includes all these things, but it would be overwhelming to try and do them all.  For now, I am just going to brainstorm here for a bit:

* experience more firsts with my girls
* deliberately choose yes
* more no
* intentional time with my family
* less screen time
* more sleep
* see food as nourishment, not therapy
* choose more foods that are God made, less man made (processed)
* take time to admire the clouds during the day
* and the stars and moon at night
* expect less
* maybe a chance to dive
* maybe a trip to the Aquarium
* a night spent under the stars
* walking in the rain
* sing with my kids more and not care what it sounds like
* be more thankful
* give more
* ask for less
* cherish time spent with friends
* practice obedience, honor, respect, thankfulness, patience
* celebrate obedience, honor, respect, thankfulness, patience
* give more hugs
* share more I love yous
* enjoy more strawberries!
At the end of the post, she ends with this fantastic challenge, "They will demand some sacrifice in time, expense, and energy, but nothing worth accomplishing is ever free. Don't let others dictate all of your hours for you. Don't be passive or unteachable or unbelieving."

This is just what the people pleaser in me needed to read in order to be released of some imaginary burdens.  LOVE IT! My God is so good in the way He provides at just the right time and in just the right way.

I LOVE coming home

My daughter gets so excited and runs into my arms and gives me BIG hugs and kisses.  Those moments seems to melt away the day.  It's awesome!

Amazing Misty Moment

The fog rolled in heavy last night.


This morning is was absolutely stunning (except when I was driving, I didn't think so then). About 7 this morning, I walked across the bridge connecting PCC to the Community Center on my way to work. As I looked around, it could have easily been a shot from Ireland or maybe a scene from Lord of the Rings movie or something.

Gray mistiness hung low over the canyon. The air was so thick and wet, I could taste it. It swirled in and out of the trees. The earth seemed caught in a surreptitious hug by God and I was in awe of the silence. I was alone; yet a pervasive peace invaded me. The steeple emerged above it all with a proud and victorious gesture, seeming so out of place.

How can fog be beautiful? Maybe it was the stark bleakness of it all. Maybe it was the myriad of shades of gray. Maybe this is why I enjoy black and white photography so much. There is so much depth to behold without color.


Maybe I just needed that moment...and God provided.

What a LONG day...

MUST FIND MORE HOURS!  Where do they go?

I have way too much to do and not enough time to accomplish it all.  I thrive with to do lists, but at this point, they are often paralyzing.  In the end, I hope I can say I've done what matters most:  love God and people.  My family comes first and so it's good that I enjoy the precious moments I do get with them.

What was ignored:
* email inbox
* facebook "live feed" with 1000s of new updates
* piles of bills and paperwork to put away
* plants need to be watered
* trash needs to be emptied
* laundry to fold
* Christmas boxes to put away

none of which got done because I did the following instead:

* get ready for work
* send 2 year old back to bed, she's up too early!
* listen to her play in her bed while I continue to get ready
* go rescue crying baby and feed her
* help 2 year old go potty, get dressed, and fed
* somehow (Lindy) get myself read for work and out the door at 7:48
* work from 8-6 (earthquake included) thanks to my angel MIL
* feed baby again
* feed 2 year old
* have a few minutes of play time
* do bedime routine with 2 year old and finally say goodnight
* feed baby again and put her down for the night too
* breath...enjoy the quiet for a moment

I am so thankful for the sweet hugs and kisses and smiles I get from my girls - makes it all worth it somehow.  Now, I must rest.  My eyes, my back, my mind are all spent.

I can't even begin to go into all the to dos waiting for me at work.  TOO MUCH!  It will just have to wait for another day.  Weariness has fully set in.  I think I'm delirious!

(Maybe I'll just go water the plants now...and hope they survive being ignored for so long!)

These are a few of my favorite things...

* clean smooth sheets
* empty laundry hampers
* clean floors (I like to walk bare foot!)
* snuggling under a warm, soft, cozy blanket
* empty sink & clean counters
* freshly shaved legs
* a hot meal that I didn't make
* clean car
* made bed
* seeing the surface of our dining table

But, I need a reality check. None of those things above do I have at the moment. So, here are a few of my favorite things that really matter...that I do have:

* the scrumptious hugs of my two year old
* tender touch of my husband's hand on my back when he walks by
* the delicate laughter of my baby
* rest
* the encouraging word of a coworker
* the friend who makes me laugh
* someone who cares enough to help
* my daughter can see my face
* the hope and truth God's Word brings me
* knowledge that: i am loved