Sunday, January 31, 2010

Oh Yeah!

Such a long day it's been.

But at the end, I did all the dishes, got all the trash out to the curb (thanks for your help dear!), tackled one pile of stuff, took a hot shower, and now...

I crash.

The shower felt soooo good.  Do they make beds in showers?!  And, I will love waking up to fairly clean kitchen!


Saturday, January 30, 2010

funny talk

Heather:  (singing randomly) It's your birthday, it's your birthday...

Maddy:  NOT!

Just like that.  The 2 year old puts the teenager in her place. How does that happen?!

Friday, January 29, 2010

24 hours

I think that how much I need...with no kids to "help".

Just me and this home, the inside.

I look around and see so much to do that I just can't keep up with these days.  These past 5 months have really done me in!

Here is a sampling of the random chaos that sits around and drives me bonkers in the recesses of my crazy mind:

* baby welcome, congrats cards - August
* hospital paperwork and stuff
* pumkins - halloween
* turkey pan - thanksgiving
* Christmas tree
* Gingerbread house
* lots of leftover Christmas candy goodies no one seems to want
* Tax paperwork scattered all over, hoping for a good return!
* piles of mail, bills, receipts
* cords, chargers, boxes, phones, just stuff!

So overwhelmed when I think about it.  So, I'm going to go to bed and put the blinders back on!

Thursday, January 28, 2010


my feet love them

there is something about coming home, getting out of work shoes, and plunging my tired achy feet into their fuzzy warm coziness that i just love

it's like admission to finally-relax-and-just-be time

our floors are cold in the winter even when the heater is on

but my feet stay happily unaware in slipper bliss

i am so tired i think i'm a little loopy!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What do you say when...

your naked two year old examines herself and says "what's this mommy?" while pointing to her own bare chest.

That's random.  Where did that question come from?!

"That's your nipple, Maddy."

"Oh." (pause to investigate again)  Then, "One....two.  Two mommy!"

"You're right.  You have two."

At least she didn't ask me what they're for.  I'm not ready for that.  Although since she's watched me nurse her baby sister for 5 months now, I'm sure she knows, so she didn't have to ask.  She probably just needed help remembering the right word!  Regardless, these random conversations always catch me off guard!

I love watching her grow and develop, but so often I just want to freeze time!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I am not sure how I feel about this.  Twice today.  My 5 month old sweet girl not only rejected me, but screamed loudly and angrily at me, as if "How dare you mama?"  She didn't want me.  She made this very clear.

So, I made a formula bottle and she sucked it down happily.

Actually, I think I do know how I feel. Sad.  Disappointed.  Surprised.  Alarmed. Not needed.  Rejected.  It's these time where I find myself grieving how fast they grow up. How can they have such strong wills at such a young age?!

Funny, I thought I was the one calling the shots and going to decide when we quit.  Maybe not.

I'll try again tomorrow. But, wow, this was a weird day.  Never happened before.

Monday, January 25, 2010

The “Superior Wife Syndrome” - I'm so guilty.

Direct link:  Marriage Memo -

Article Content:

The “Superior Wife Syndrome”

Barbara Rainey
October 12, 2009

On a recent Monday morning, I had turned on the Today Show to catch our local news and weather on the half hour. As I listened from the kitchen I heard one of the hosts introduce an author with new research on wives. The title of her book is The Superior Wife Syndrome. When I heard the intro I grabbed my notepad and sat down to hear about the latest syndrome to afflict our population. I was ready to critique.

But as I listened I found myself agreeing with some of what she said, though I wouldn't go so far as to label it a syndrome. The author, Karen Rubenstein, has discovered that millions of wives think they do everything better than their husbands. They feel they are more responsible, more capable, and in a word, more superior. Hmmm, I thought. Sounds a little more like pride to me.

There is truth to this discovery. Beginning in the 1960s, women have been instructed to do it all. We've been told we can work full time and raise kids at the same time, all with great success. Many have gone so far as to say we don't need men. Women's drive to achieve equality in the work place has resulted in this attitude of superiority, I believe.

This temptation to exalt ourselves over our men is as old as the earth. I find myself dealing with this attitude more than I'd care to admit. I load the dishwasher more efficiently than he, I fold the clothes better than he, and I pack the car much more neatly than his haphazard preference of just throwing it all in and slamming the door to keep it from falling out.

And when I focus on how much better I am in certain tasks and responsibilities I can quickly move to feeling superior. In addition I'm learning this is much more of a temptation in the empty nest. When we had kids my corrective measures were directed at them and less at my husband. Now he is the sole focus of my rehabilitation and retraining efforts. Poor man.

Rubenstein gave three tips for this syndrome which are not new, but they are good to remember because they are timeless. First, ask for help. He can't read your mind. Second, educate him with logic, not emotional outbursts. And third, be willing to settle for less.

I would add a fourth tip: Let him be who he is, as my husband would say. And he is so right, because there is more than one way to do a task. My way isn't always right and his isn't always wrong. Most of our conflicts aren't about right and wrong anyway, but about personal preferences for how something is accomplished. In the end it's not a big deal anyway. Certainly not worth the damage to your marriage and to your man that an attitude of superiority will cause.

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

oh joy (sarcsm)

 just love walking into an empty bathroom to find the hot water runnng endlessly for no one's benefit. grrrrrr.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Why do parents say the things they do?!

...or give looks the way they do?

I'm sure I've been guilty of this a hundred times, so forgive my rant.  Maybe it's a pet peeve  Maybe it's just an ongoing observation?

Why are we so judgmental of other parenting styles/decisions/choices/you know what I mean?  Co-sleep or crib.  Breast feed or formula.  Pacifier or finger.  Schedule or no.  Home school or private school or public school.  Spank or time out or give breaks.  Cloth or disposable.  Stay at home or working mom.  SUV or minivan.  Epidural or "natural".   I know I have my opinions and I know what's worked best for us so far.  But, we are still new to parenting.  It's often overwhelming!

There are SO many decisions we have to make in our heavily blessed choice saturated nation.  Contrast this to so much of the rest of the world where children are lucky to make it to adulthood, have a place to call home, eat enough food to thrive, and the time to go to school.

I am just amazed.  It is my desire to encourage parents to figure out what's best for their child and their family at any particular time.  Each child is a unique gift from God born to a unique set of parents and a unique family dynamic.  As we all know, they don't come with instruction manuals!  So, I implore mankind (or Bay Area parentkind I suppose), please stop trying to force your "right" way of parenting on everyone else!  Please stop the subtle disapproving looks when someone is doing something a little different than you.  Come on, at the park, you've seen it right? Maybe even done it?  Why can't we (me too) consider that this mom or that dad might actually have a good reason for whatever they're doing!

In fact, I've found the more time I spend listening and considering each perspective, each story, each view point, the more I realize that often right and wrong is so elusive when it comes to parenting.  Most parents sincerely want whats best and they're trying to survive some very difficult years.  If we need help or we feel out of control, hopefully we get wise Biblical counsel.  May we seek God's wisdom and may His Spirit lead us.  And let's stop judging what others are doing!

God willing, our children will all grow up one day.  Whether or not they had boob or bottle, eventually they start eating food.  Whether or not they slept in our bed or their own, eventually they grow up and leave the house.  And hopefully, no matter what kind of school they go to, they seek to pursue God always and glorify Him with all they do.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Emotion Filled Moments

We're driving down the freeway and I see a full double rainbow ahead.  It's bright and amazing, the colors seeming to pop out against the still gray cloudy late afternoon sky.

Me:  Look, there's a rainbow, can you see it?

Maddy:  Yeah, two mommy!

Me:  Yes, there are two.  You're right.  I didn't think you'd see the second's really light.

Maddy:  (in her most declarative voice) Promise mommy.

Me:  (eyes immediately welling with tears).   I's God's promise, you're right.

Maddy:  Where animals mommy?

Me:  (now stifling laughter)  Uh, well, all the animals were there just for the first rainbow God made.

You gotta love the concrete thinking of a two year old!  In all our Noah books and kid Bibles, I think the animals and the rainbow are in the picture together.  So, why wouldn't she expect to see them today?!

She made me cry AND laugh in the same minute!  Yes, I am sensitive, so what?!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Dying to self

Being a mom has brought a whole new meaning of this passage to me.  I think I'm a little bit closer to truly trying to understand and live it.

I've got to get myself out of the way - to let God work in me

I've got to let go of my selfish desires - for the sake and needs of my family

I've got to let go of resentment, anger, disappointment - they will only eat me up

I've got to let go of my guilty feelings, do my best, ask for forgiveness when I screw up, be satisfied with what I have done.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Maximizing Time

Life is sure different for me now with two kids.  I used to live a more orderly, efficient, time managed life.  These days, I feel like it's usually just living in moments of reactive chaos!  Most plans are thwarted, delayed, or altered in some way!

Anyway I keep thinking that there are some tangible things I have learned as I adapt that may be useful to share or simply remind myself of!

Here are a few time wasters in my life that a) I would love to get rid of, b) I actively try to get rid of, c) I don't do anymore, or d) I try not to do anymore!

* junk mail
* commercials
* email spam
* that 45 seconds you have to wait to leave a voice message if no one answers
* folding underwear and socks
* organize my clothes closet
* folding towels "the right way"
* dusting (it just keeps coming back!)
* making my daughter's bed (she just climbs in all day and plays in it anyway)

And here are some things that I have started doing in order to stay sane:
* always put away 3-4 things before I go to bed (toys, mail, dishes, stuff)
* get more silverware so we don't have to wash dishes as often
* ignore the dirty dishes sometimes
* can't stay awake for a movie, go to sleep!  sorry dear!
* junk mail first thing goes to recycle box
* take responsibilities off my plate, lower my expectations
* thank god for the toys i trip over, we are blessed
* praise god for the messes, life granted us another day to live
* being satisfied the clothes are clean even if they're not put away or hung up
* not freaking out when my house is a disaster
* not freaking out when I can't find something
* being okay with not knowing everything, everywhere, all the time

It's late.  Time to go to bed instead of brainstorming such random thoughts!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

What do you miss?

I miss my family.  More specifically, I miss my parents and my brothers.  Sometimes, many days go by and I don't talk to any of them and I get sad.  And sometimes I find myself jealous of those families who all live in the same area and hang out together a lot...and actually enjoy it!  I know some folks don't really enjoy their families or they're really unhealthy and that's such a bummer.

Today's one of those days.  So much rain.  Lots of mess in our basement.  It flooded while the power was out.  Tragedy in Haiti - so many people losing loved ones, even entire families.  Life is so fleeting, so precious, so easily wasted.  Lord, help us make the best use of the time we have here.

Husband's at class.  Spent a lot of time with just my girls today.  What a crazy day.  We miss him when he's not here!

I'm just missing my family.  I'd love my mom to be nearer and get more time with my girls.  I'd love them to know their uncles better.  I wish the time we got to spend together wasn't always to rushed and forced because of birthdays or holidays, more time to just be together and hang out!

I guess I'm weird that way.  C'est la vie, n'est-ce pas?!  We don't always get what we want.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Let Freedom Ring!

Remembering why we have a holiday today (but I had to work). Dr. Martin Luther King's famous speech is worth listening to. What an amazing man of faith he was. We, the USA, and the world, have come so far, yet we still have hurdles to get over.

It's hard  for me to imagine what the world wil be like in the future for my kids.  I pray it truly does get better, with less hate, less violence, more compassion, a more reaching out and taking care of each other kind of world.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I wish I needed an alarm!

I haven't used an alarm in a long long time.  Not sure how long, but I can't remember so at least that long.  Last night I stayed up too late and needed to get up early(ier) than usual to get to work.  Well, these days, I just seem to know when it's time to get up I guess.

I was up at 4:55, no alarm. I wanted to get up at 5:00.

How is this possible?!

Too early, too little sleep, still manage it somehow.  Thank God!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Enjoying a Moment

My daughter got up too early this morning.  When she does that I tell her to go back to bed and I will come get her when it's time to get up.  So far, this works still!

When I went in, I had the sweetest 5 minutes with her.  She just wanted to snuggle in her bed and be together.  She gave me hugs and kisses and let me hold her.  I loved it!  She's not much of a cuddle bug, so whenever these opportunities arise, I hope to be there to take advantage.

I love my girls!  I am so thankful to have all that I have been blessed with.  Each moment I cherish these days so much more than ever.

I continually pray for the people of Haiti.  My heart aches and I have no words for what I feel.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Challenge: Be A Fully Alive Woman

This is just what I needed to read today. It was in a post in the FamilyLife MomBlog by author Barbara Rainey at the end of December.  Here's what caught my attention most keenly - "A believer from another century, Iraneus, said, 'The glory of God is a human being fully alive.' Seek to be a fully alive woman this year."

What might fully alive look like for me?  Here goes another list!  I must choose a life that is/has/includes all these things, but it would be overwhelming to try and do them all.  For now, I am just going to brainstorm here for a bit:

* experience more firsts with my girls
* deliberately choose yes
* more no
* intentional time with my family
* less screen time
* more sleep
* see food as nourishment, not therapy
* choose more foods that are God made, less man made (processed)
* take time to admire the clouds during the day
* and the stars and moon at night
* expect less
* maybe a chance to dive
* maybe a trip to the Aquarium
* a night spent under the stars
* walking in the rain
* sing with my kids more and not care what it sounds like
* be more thankful
* give more
* ask for less
* cherish time spent with friends
* practice obedience, honor, respect, thankfulness, patience
* celebrate obedience, honor, respect, thankfulness, patience
* give more hugs
* share more I love yous
* enjoy more strawberries!
At the end of the post, she ends with this fantastic challenge, "They will demand some sacrifice in time, expense, and energy, but nothing worth accomplishing is ever free. Don't let others dictate all of your hours for you. Don't be passive or unteachable or unbelieving."

This is just what the people pleaser in me needed to read in order to be released of some imaginary burdens.  LOVE IT! My God is so good in the way He provides at just the right time and in just the right way.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Satisfaction - Where Do You Get It?

My lack of it is just about all the proof I need that there is a heaven.

One day, when I am there with God, I will finally be satisfied. Fully. Totally. Completely. Thoroughly. Forever. It will be an amazing unending celebration.

To my understanding, there is not a truly satisfied person on all the earth. If I am wrong, please send a shout out to me right away and let me know how you got there.

In the meantime, I often find myself deeply unsatisfied. Two things enlightened me today with a moment of self discovery: Reading a friend’s post about To Do lists and then later a brief conversation with a friend about our house.

I know that I AM a list maker. I love lists because I feel more organized. I love to check things off those lists. I love knowing the lists are there so that I don’t have to constantly try and remember everything. I write it down and forget about it until the list reminds me! When something is accomplished and I get to check something off a list, right in that moment, I get a fleeting taste of satisfaction.

Job - Done! Thing - Attained! Work - Finished! Dream - Actualized! Chore - Completed! Mission - Accomplished!

And what do we do? We celebrate! We party! We praise!

“Yay, good job” “Nice work” “Looks great” “Thanks for doing that” “You worked hard to make that happen”, “Way to persevere through that” and so much more ways we all pat each other on the back. Those moments of verbal praise feel good to when they happen. Remember Graduation parties and gifts – always fun and welcomed right?! Wedding receptions are another great celebration of a major accomplishment. Retirement parties. Anniversary milestones. All those things are attempts to grasp the ephemeral moment of satisfied life.

I love my husband, but not in a newlywed gooey way! I’m glad I have a HS degree, but I don’t drive around with “Class of ‘92” on my windows still! I love being a mom, but it sure feels different now from when I floated on cloud nine when I first knew I was pregnant! At some point after the party and celebration and high, we’re off to the next thing right? Sure we may live in the glory of the moment for a while, even a few years, but the feelings do fade.

All I’m trying to say with all this nonsense is that I struggle with satisfaction in a weird sort of way. I’d love to know how my friends out there hurdle this obstacle. I need a plan to tackle it, experiencing it just a little more while I wait for heaven.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I LOVE coming home

My daughter gets so excited and runs into my arms and gives me BIG hugs and kisses.  Those moments seems to melt away the day.  It's awesome!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Ever have a day when...

  • you oversleep and your kids undersleep
  • your tea spills in the car on the way to work
  • you forget your lunch
  • there are so many interruptions that you don't complete any one task fully
  • you cry because you feel like failure
  • you just need a friend who answers whenever you call
  • your heart aches for a friend's loss
  • you eat too much candy and still want more
  • you sit paralyzed with too much to do
  • you want your mom nearby and she's not
  • your kid wouldn't eat the dinner you made and you forced yourself to eat it too
  • one kid or the other is crying from the moment you get home till they're finally asleep
  • you can't bear to look in the kitchen
  • you just want to crawl in bed and start over tomorrow?
Maybe that's why God gave us nights and days.  To experience a taste of grace, of daily do-overs, His mercies new for every morning that He gives us to wake up and try again.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The call of the pillow

It started today at 9am.  That's bad.  How can I be this tired?  Sometimes I think I must be sick even though I have no symptoms.  Or, am I just not listening to or taking care of my body these days?

I am getting 6ish hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep.  That's not too shabby.  But, other than the first couple hours of deep, comatose, can't-wake-me-to-save-me sleep, I toss and turn restlessly the rest of the night.

Then, all day, I just feel exhausted. I think it's just normal mom stuff.  But then, if I think too much about...

* bad back ache last night, again tonight (holding kids does that)
* feet sore and achy (working Sundays does that)
* woke up with headache, 2 advil helped (headaches have plagued me since puberty)
* nearly fell asleep in the shower this morning (yay,I got shower)
* nodding off after dinner tonight (it was yummy, could have been food coma)

I start to wonder and go crazy.  Is something more wrong?  Just writing this help me stay sane!

I'm hearing it right now and am going to answer it with a yes.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Amazing Misty Moment

The fog rolled in heavy last night.

This morning is was absolutely stunning (except when I was driving, I didn't think so then). About 7 this morning, I walked across the bridge connecting PCC to the Community Center on my way to work. As I looked around, it could have easily been a shot from Ireland or maybe a scene from Lord of the Rings movie or something.

Gray mistiness hung low over the canyon. The air was so thick and wet, I could taste it. It swirled in and out of the trees. The earth seemed caught in a surreptitious hug by God and I was in awe of the silence. I was alone; yet a pervasive peace invaded me. The steeple emerged above it all with a proud and victorious gesture, seeming so out of place.

How can fog be beautiful? Maybe it was the stark bleakness of it all. Maybe it was the myriad of shades of gray. Maybe this is why I enjoy black and white photography so much. There is so much depth to behold without color.

Maybe I just needed that moment...and God provided.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I am such a sap.

Twice in the last couple days, I have been keenly reminded of this.

Heard of or read the book Love You Forever?  Every time I've read this book, I cry, sometimes just weep.  I can't handle it!  The mom who rocks her boy to sleep every night and sings him a special song (I even made up a tune for it).  Then, she gets old and he rocks HER, sings her the same song.

Then, I hear others who tell me they think it's a creepy book.  WHAT?  How did I miss the creepy part and always hone in on the sadness?  Yes, I guess it IS a little weird for someone to drive with a ladder in the middle of the night over to their grown son's house, climb up, crawl in a window and rock and sing to a man who was already asleep!

I still think I'll cry though if I read it again.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Then, today, I saw the movie UP for the first time.  Yes, I may be the last person in America to see it finally.

Okay, they had me crying within 5 minutes.  What's up with that?  Great.  Wife dies, dreams and promises go unfulfilled.  Thanks Pixar.

Yes, but they had a great life together you say, right?  Sure.  That doesn't make it any less sad to me.

And thanks for all the sympathy & comfort I get from my understanding husband. (insert sarcasm)

Friday, January 8, 2010

An Internal Freak Out Mom Moment

So, tonight, we are at a friends house,  having a great dinner, celebrating a birthday and just hanging out.  Our daughter is upstairs playing with dress up clothes.  Nothing new really, it happens often at our house.  She loves the heeled sandals, dresses, skirts to "twirl" in.  It's adorable!

I was sitting in the chair closest to the stairs so I could see about halfway up.  I catch a glimpse of her coming down the stairs with a sparkly blue dress on (upside down and backwards, mind you).  My mind and heart leapt; all of the sudden I was picturing her 20 or so years from now in a wedding dress coming down the stairs on her wedding day.  It was like I was already there.  My mind gave me the clear mental image of her grown up, wearing white, a beautiful bride.  It's now etched in my brain!

A startling, but fleeting moment that evaporated as she quickly approached me wanting help to get the dress on right and my normal mom mode kicked in.

We don't have stairs here at our house.  I don't know why the stairs and the dress did that to me, but wow, what a rush!  I want to treasure every moment we have with her until that day.  Lord, help us.  For the boy out there who will one day grow up to be her husband, I pray for him to be all she needs, all she wants, and that he seeks to draw closer to His Heavenly Father each and every day.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

What a LONG day...

MUST FIND MORE HOURS!  Where do they go?

I have way too much to do and not enough time to accomplish it all.  I thrive with to do lists, but at this point, they are often paralyzing.  In the end, I hope I can say I've done what matters most:  love God and people.  My family comes first and so it's good that I enjoy the precious moments I do get with them.

What was ignored:
* email inbox
* facebook "live feed" with 1000s of new updates
* piles of bills and paperwork to put away
* plants need to be watered
* trash needs to be emptied
* laundry to fold
* Christmas boxes to put away

none of which got done because I did the following instead:

* get ready for work
* send 2 year old back to bed, she's up too early!
* listen to her play in her bed while I continue to get ready
* go rescue crying baby and feed her
* help 2 year old go potty, get dressed, and fed
* somehow (Lindy) get myself read for work and out the door at 7:48
* work from 8-6 (earthquake included) thanks to my angel MIL
* feed baby again
* feed 2 year old
* have a few minutes of play time
* do bedime routine with 2 year old and finally say goodnight
* feed baby again and put her down for the night too
* breath...enjoy the quiet for a moment

I am so thankful for the sweet hugs and kisses and smiles I get from my girls - makes it all worth it somehow.  Now, I must rest.  My eyes, my back, my mind are all spent.

I can't even begin to go into all the to dos waiting for me at work.  TOO MUCH!  It will just have to wait for another day.  Weariness has fully set in.  I think I'm delirious!

(Maybe I'll just go water the plants now...and hope they survive being ignored for so long!)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010 - Beginning or End?


Okay, I'm so confused. Logic and math tell me that 2010 would be the last year of this current decade. When you start counting you begin with 1, not 0 right?

So why do I keep hearing that it's the beginning of a new decade?


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

a particular personal vexation

I'd love to know what your biggest pet peeves are! Will you share with me?!

Having many roommates over the years and marriage has taught me that I don't always know what my pet peeves are until someone starts doing something that particularly vexes me personally!

Tonight at Target, I have a list of 5 things to get. I have 25 minutes or so before I need to be somewhere so I just planned on getting in and out quickly. Of course, that's when everyone else seems to operate in slow motion and right in my way!

Here are a few of mine:

* slow people walking in front of me, not paying attention, and I can't get around them
* movie theater talkers
* drivers who don't use their turn signals
* sponge left in water or in sink, not wrung out
* walking into spider webs
* talking to me, but walking away
* ignoring a full garbage can or making it overflow if it's full
* not putting things back where it was found
* returning phone call with an email
* DVDs that skip in the middle of a movie
* constantly being interrupted
* too much perfume or cologne
* when I'm asked for advice and then the advice is ignored
* chairs not pushed in at table after a meal
* TV left on and no one is watching!
* buying fruit only to discover it is not ripe, sweet, or good at all.

Check out this huge list. There are a lot of annoyed folks out there!

I'll add more of my own as I think of them!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Fear of what? why?

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25

A personal struggle: I'm a conflict avoider.

A nasty habit when it comes to the health of our marriage.

Today in a meeting at work, I had so many things I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. I didn't manage to speak up.

I am always worried about what others think of me, what I say, what I do. Why? I am not sure. I constantly second guess myself, thinking "Did I do that right?" I often am hesitant to truly speak what I think or feel because I fear that someone will belittle me, or worse yet, disagree with me. What is that? Lack of self-confidence? Poor self-esteem? Some of both?

This blog is one of my efforts to practice getting what's on my mind out to the world, being vulnerable to disagreeing perspectives, and learning to be okay with that.

I read this today. It really challenged me. I love the fresh perspective - a breath of fresh air that hit the spot!

I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying, "I trust You, Jesus" in response to whatever happens to you. If there is time, think about who I AM in all My Power and Glory; ponder also the depth and breadth of My Love for you....When you view events from this perspective - fear loses its grip on you... (from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

I needed this. Hope it encourages someone else too!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

These are a few of my favorite things...

* clean smooth sheets
* empty laundry hampers
* clean floors (I like to walk bare foot!)
* snuggling under a warm, soft, cozy blanket
* empty sink & clean counters
* freshly shaved legs
* a hot meal that I didn't make
* clean car
* made bed
* seeing the surface of our dining table

But, I need a reality check. None of those things above do I have at the moment. So, here are a few of my favorite things that really matter...that I do have:

* the scrumptious hugs of my two year old
* tender touch of my husband's hand on my back when he walks by
* the delicate laughter of my baby
* rest
* the encouraging word of a coworker
* the friend who makes me laugh
* someone who cares enough to help
* my daughter can see my face
* the hope and truth God's Word brings me
* knowledge that: i am loved

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Toy Soapbox

I extremely dislike cheap plastic toys.

How about this one? A fake Barbie. You've got to be kidding me, right? I guess if I thought about it, I would have realized that someone is out there mass producing Barbie knock offs in China. But, I haven't been looking so I haven't ever given it much thought. Until now.

Picture this:

Her plastic tiara is glued to her hair. Maddy pulled it off within about 2 seconds and ruined the princess updo forever. Dried glue glop now seen front and center above her forehead.

Her arms don't stay in their sockets when turned up/down. Maddy pulled both off in about 2 minutes. (I think the rest of her body stayed intact only because we told her to stop testing the poor thing!)

Her tiny high heel shoes don't stay on her feet. Shoes now lost.

Her skimpy halter top doesn't stay put - pretty thing keeps flashing us...and of course she is well endowed as any Barbie knock off might be.

I am just in shock that such toys exist.

More than ever, this doll just solidifies one of my soapboxes. I really dislike (I try not to use the word hate much) cheap plastic toys and the stores like Toys R Us who market and sell them.

I am a huge proponent of toys that foster open-ended play, meaning the child does the playing rather than the toy doing the entertaining:
* imagination sparking
* can be used for multiple uses
* natural products (wood, metal, real stuff!)
* nothing from TV or movies
* avoid electronic or battery operated toys

Examples: blocks, legos, stuffed animals, dolls, dramatic play toys, dress up clothes, art supplies to name a few.

I totally realize this stems from a) the country girl and b) the preschool teacher in me. But, I believe with all my heart that it makes a difference in development, learning, attention span, and so much more.

Not that having a Leap Frog this or that is bad, I just know it's not what I want for my kids at this time! And I love dolls, just not plastic ones that fall apart in 5 minutes!

What are your thoughts?

Compulsion or Good Habit?

I LOVE waking up to a clean house.

BTW - The definition of "clean" gets looser and more vague as each year of motherhood goes by.

I do not like to do the dishes, clean the kitchen, sweep the floor, put toys away, fold and put away clean laundry, sort the mail, pick up all the dirty laundry, throw another load in, clean up Maddy's art messes, etc. However, if I don't do it, it won't just magically get done!

Last night, exhausted, I just ignored it all and went to bed which felt great at the moment. Now, I'm up and so frusrated!

Can't seem to win! I am often told by my well meaning husband, "just let it go". I may be able to physically let it go at times, but internally, I still go crazy!

Thanks Mom...I got this from you!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010 Family Goals

Me: What should our family goals be for this year?

N: Survive

Me: Oh.

Me (thinking): I don't want to just survive. I want to thrive!! Yes, I know we are busy and you are in school, but I still want it to be more than surviving. I want us to sit and plan (type A, Myers Briggs J type). I want to come up with these goals together! Bummer.

Once again, my people pleaser self does not communicate my desires.

We can't always get what we want. And, it's not always about me. I'm reminded of this over and over. Was Jesus a J or a P? He seemed to live his life as a P, but I think His whole salvation and plan for the world thing reeks of J. Hmmm. Your thoughts?!

Here it is...

...a new way for me to voice my thoughts, opinions, soapboxes, emotions and just plain old hilarious moments of chaotic life of a working mom. Just me. Raw and uncensored. I chance for me to share crazy life moments, sweet memories, and the intricate workings of a complex mind! Stay tuned.

To illustrate my life:

I've come to realize that when I lose it, fall apart, have a meltdown, or feel like a failure, all of which happens quite often, it's always because I've lost sight of the most important ball I am juggling - my focus on my reason for being, the One who gives me purpose and direction. I need my Jesus and nothing else.